When asked what I'm most nervous about in regards to my four month trip abroad, it wouldn't be about a language barrier, utilizing public transportation, or contracting a rare disease. It's not losing my debit card (again) (sorry mom), or being lost (again) in a foreign country (sorry, mom). While I know these things are scary and could very well happen, I'm more nervous about something that has already plagued my generation. They call it: FOMO. Also known as the fear of missing out. I know, I know... kids these days with their LOL's and OMG's. But this one is important.
FO•MO
noun informal
anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on a social media website.
"Why would you be scared of missing out? You're going on the trip of a lifetime!" Well, let me break it down for you. I find joy in quality time spent with others. I find myself the happiest when chit-chatting with my friends and family, sharing laughs over anything and everything. The thought of missing out on a whole FOUR months of family time, of giggling with friends, of CrossFitting and chuckling at how terrible handstand pushups are, has filled me to the brim with anxiety.
Realizing that the world will continue to spin without me being in the United States has *GASP* hurt my heart a little bit. People will move on, birthday's will be celebrated, babies will be born, maybe an epic love story will unfold. Who knows what will happen while I'm gone, but that's what FaceBook is for, right?
Which brings me to my point: I'm worried that I'll be so caught up with what's happening at home that I won't make memories of my own to bring back. I'm worried that instead of going to explore the city or taking an opportunity to talk to a native, I will be buried in my phone, checking up on my homies.
I'm genuinely worried about this because it's already happening. I'm already spending hours of my day looking at Instagram, mesmerized at how awesome everyone else's lives seem. I've caught myself thinking, wow I have the perfect caption for this picture. I've been anxious before posting a picture because ~ugh~ what if I don't get a lot of likes. I've caught myself scrolling and scrolling on my phone because I don't know how else to spend my free time.
How. Incredibly. Sad.
I remember having a conversation with someone about what they do to fill their time instead of being on their phone. I remember thinking to myself, holy crap Abby!! YOU'RE A LOSER!! Do you even have hobbies? Well, I like to hike but all Grand Island has to offer is tornado hill. I feel like all I know how to do is CrossFit, and that's even a stretch sometimes. I'm not very artsy, I don't know how to play any instruments, and I don't really don't enjoy time spent alone. It sounds dramatic but sometimes you have to hit yourself with the truth.
But, before I panic and have a fifth-life crisis about who I am as a person (welcome to my twenties right?), I do have somewhat of a plan. First of all, I'm limiting my phone time. Not just for this trip but for the rest of my life. Seriously. Long gone are the days of mindlessly scrolling. Yes, I'm still going to share pictures on Instagram and look at Facebook. Yes, I will struggle with this challenge. However, I refuse to let myself waste my free time getting lost in the cyber-lives of others. Secondly, I'm going to find constructive ways to fill my dreaded time alone. I'm not necessarily forcing myself to like being alone, because I don't think that's going to go away, but after sitting on this problem for a while, I've decided I'm actually very easily entertained. I like to read. Modern day calligraphy is kind of fun, and I'm really enjoying free writing this blog. Weird. Lastly, I'm vowing to thoroughly enjoy and be present while I'm with others. There's some awesome girls going on this trip, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them better. Also, time spent with my host family and the native Peruvians will not only be prime Spanish learning time, but also time to learn about a different culture and way of living.
This blog post was not guided or required by any means, but it's important to me to share my thoughts and put it all on the table before I leave. So here's to one more week of speaking English, getting to flush my toilet paper, and American food. Here's to my last week of anticipation for this long awaited trip. Here's to my New Year's resolution of spending free time more constructively. And lastly, here's to conquering the treacherous fear of missing out. Because in all reality, the real fear and regret would have developed from turning this trip down.
